i got lost today. nina and i were driving from empire to... well i actually had no idea where i was going, or why. i just knew i wanted to go.. we drove to empire and then just turned onto a road i've never been on. it took us over the river on this old rickety bridge, nina thought for sure that it would collapse on us when we drove over it. but i managed to get across it. it shook really intensely when the wind blew. and it was a particularly windy night. but after that i just kept driving, i had a half a tank of gas and was in a ford festiva, so i figured that i could get to something without running out of gas anytime soon. i was wrong, dead wrong. the road eventually changed from a four lane into barely a two lane.

Read: lost »

one again it's raining. but this times it's different. i'm not liking it today. it's dark, damp, cold, and foreboding. iv got that over whelming sense that something is out of place, or it's very wrong. i cant tell. everything is blurred by my new windshield wipers. i liked the old ones better, even though they were broken they still worked. unlike these new ones. just because they're not broken, doesn’t mean they don't need to be fixed. but i still feel like something is wrong, and i cant put my finger on it. maybe it's me, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the hunger in my stomach, maybe it's the thoughts i'm having, maybe the thought's i'm not. it's a very vague feeling and i don't tend to get those very often. it's comparable to that feeling you get when you first wake up, your eyes are blurry, everything it bright, and it's hard to fo see anything. that's how i feel now, except i'm noticing it less and less...

boredom...the same old endless monotony that runs my world. i can't seem to shake this feeling of insecurity. i'm afraid, and I don't know of what. *sigh* maybe it's paranoia, or just existential angst. i'm not sure. i feel lost, i feel alone, i feel empty. and tired.

nate and i went to pittsburgh yesterday. i got a new deck for my skate board. it's a 'zero'. hehe, typical i guess. i cut out black flag bars in the grip tape, it's interesting to say the least. i can't wait for summer, but at the same time i'm secretly dreading it. the summer brings break, relaxation, shows, fun, green mohalks, piercings, and ill be 18 this summer. but i got a job the other day, and i hope it doesn't interfere with all of my summer fun. i also know that is so hot during the summer. but all and all i'm looking forward to it.

i dyed my girl friends hair today at robert's, it was about to her shoulders and black, but after i was done it was short, bubble gum pink (now red), and liberty spiked. she looks gorgeous. i love her hair like that.we didn't have any knox to put her hair up so i had to use wood glue, and hair spray.

just sitting there waiting, nervously, anxiously, dreading it's arivial, yet at the same time delighted to know that it'll all be over soon. i look over at geoff, his face is pale, expression blank, and his eyes turned inward, as if he was deep in thaught. i laughed, just to break the tention of the forboading silence that incounpased the room. "lemmie' hit that." i asked as geoff handed me his ciggerette. i took a long drag, untill i could feel the paper burning my fingers

Read: leaving a friend behind »

sitting in my car, the windows half down, the smoke slowly rising, dancing, being chased from my sight out the window. the annoying clatter of my broken windshield wipers as they clamor across my glossy window. the rain slowly dripping down and splattering across the window. constantly dripping, and sliding between other drips, and merging with other, only to be swept or smeared away by the totalitarian force of the wipers. every so often though, a drip of two make it between the wipers

Read: clamor in the rain. »